Toxicity, As an Entrepreneur
Dec 31, 2020
Guest Blog By: Kiera Bryan
Have you ever felt as an entrepreneur, that you were toxic? That what negative things you were experiencing in life is in direct correlation to how you felt, or responded to a situation? “Toxicity” is a term that is thrown around online constantly these days. So much so, that it loses its meaning. Take the common phrase, “Toxic Masculinity.” This is defined, according to dictionary.com, as a “cultural concept of manliness that glorifies stoicism, strength, virility and dominance, and that is socially maladaptive or harmful to mental health.”
We have all heard of toxic masculinity before. The word toxic, however, is simply defined as poisonous. Bad behavior is not inherently toxic, bad behavior does not kill, physically. But toxic behavior does kill in a much more insidious way. It kills our souls, our energies, our motivations, and ultimately our businesses. That said, toxicity, is something that we tend to apply to other people. Typically, not to ourselves. (I am not a jerk; I am nice and helpful. So, I cannot be toxic).
I hate to burst your bubble, but you can be toxic. In fact, every single person on the planet is capable of toxic behavior. This can be something that permeates one’s life. We all have the potential to become toxic, regardless of what we believe about ourselves. And this toxicity, is something that ultimately is a factor to why we experience success or failure as entrepreneurs.
All human beings are born with the capacity for experiencing a multitude of emotions, and varying degrees of them. We all experience sadness, happiness, love, anger and even jealousy at times. What is interesting about human emotion though, is that it is on a spectrum. Happiness and joy for example, are the same feeling just at hugely different levels. (You may feel happy that you met a nice old woman in the supermarket, but you might feel joyous that your grandma called.) It is important, as we grow to recognize the fact that all human emotions are normal and healthy.
Even the negative emotions serve a purpose in life. Emotions are how your soul (or energy) interprets and reacts to situations and they can teach you a lot about yourself. Being jealous in a relationship for example, may be a clue that there is something you need to discuss with your partner because you fear losing their affection.
What makes emotions toxic is living in strong emotions for too long. Strong emotions like wrath, envy, and depression. These emotions are at the far end of the spectrum of the normal human emotions of anger, jealousy, and sadness. When we experience a strong emotion and do nothing to change that emotion, it consumes us. A person who experiences a pang of jealousy when they are not invited to a party, is normal. However, a person who experiences covetousness over a neighbor’s successes and perceived better position in life is running the risk of turning toxic.
So, how do we avoid toxicity, when we cannot control how situations make us feel?
We cannot control our initial reactions, true. But we can control how we respond to certain emotions, and what we do with them overtime. I know, you are probably thinking that sounds great in theory, but what about in practice?
Well, let’s say that you set 20 appointments in a month. At first, you are feeling elated, and even counting the money before it comes in! (Normal). But you close NONE of them. Not one of them turns into a sale. At that point, it is very natural to feel disappointed, ashamed, and even a little angry. My effort is there, where are my results?! Some would say that it is even time to quit.
“You’re obviously not cut out for this. You suck at what you are trying to do. No one is ever going to listen to me.” See that? The change from “you” to “me” in your thinking is the death knell on your business. If you keep allowing the negativity to control you, you will eventually quit. That is not to say that you will not try again, but you will lose all forward momentum for a time. Unless you choose to control your response. It hurts when things go awry of what we have planned. But choosing to keep moving, and to let it go is what brings us entrepreneurs to a whole new level.
In fact, that is exactly why most “normal” people cannot understand us. We tend to operate on a whole different wavelength than what is considered “normal.” We learn to control our emotions.
Toxicity, in my opinion, is not what you present to the world. Toxicity is what you put on yourself. The more you dwell on negative emotions, and allow them to eat you up inside, the worse (or more toxic) your situation will become. You have the potential to be the most toxic person in your life. But there is good news! As much as you are your own worst enemy, you are also the only person whom you have full control over. You can decide when the self-pity ends.
I am not saying never feel. Feel everything and feel it deeply. Connect with how situations make you feel. But, after a time if those feelings are not pleasing, let it go. Scream, cry, let it all out. And then move forward. It is normal and healthy to experience strong emotions but remember to experience them. Do not make them a part of your identity, lest you become a victim of your own toxic behavior. I believe that “toxic people,” those whose toxicity ultimately bleeds on to others in their lives, have dwelt so long in their own negativity that they have become incapable of containing their misery. The adage, “misery loves company” comes to mind here.
These people more than anything, need compassion. They need our help and guidance. No one tries to be toxic. Everyone may fail at not being toxic though.
No matter how bad the situation is, you are the captain of your own ship. You have made the choice to be bold, to be different. Keep doing that and keep doing that in every aspect of your life. No matter how long it takes, no matter how badly you want to give up, don’t. No matter how much it hurts, cry and move on. Because you are ultimately only as toxic as you let yourself become.
About Kiera
Kiera Bryan is a new entrepreneur in the finance space. Her passion is helping everyday families with understanding their finances and gaining financial freedom.
She is an individual who genuinely believes her purpose in life is to inspire others through the challenges she has faced and overcame.
Kiera enjoys reading more than anything in the world and is often found reading more than one book at a time, from a variety of different genres and authors.
She started writing as a hobby when she was 12 years old. She is a blogger and aspiring author.
Kiera is married to the love of her life, Steve. They have two young children together. They also have a dog named Bocephus, and two cats named Johnny and June. They live near Flint, MI USA.
Kiera’s Contact Info: [email protected]
Blog Address: https://reclaimingmyselfbl.wixsite.com/website?fbclid=IwAR3kxexyUxcuO5vu-PtS76I09sPHKistqDFanLWNsNY7Wsjkj4Zas46vO5o
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